Wednesday's "What They Really Believe": The Christian Right Part 3

Today's final posting in my three part blog is brought to you by Moses and his pet pterodactyl El El.



























Because if I am right, this is what they will teach in schools. 




The biggest story in the news right now appears to be the so-called "Ground Zero Mosque". I keep trying to explain to everyone that I know a few things. It is NOT at Ground Zero. If you care to have an opinion, all you have to do is look at a fucking map. Google it. I will wait. See? It's an old Burlington Coat Factory. It's also not really a mosque. It's an Islamic Cultural Center. That's why they call it "Islamic Cultural Center of New York". From what I read, it seems like a lot of mosque-ish bullshit, but not 100%. The point is, if you think The Ground Zero Mosque is really a ground zero mosque, then you think Burlington Coat Factory is a factory in Burlington that only manufactures coats.

Despite the obvious racism, bigotry and xenophobia; critics of the "Ground Zero Mosque" have half an argument. They bring up Islamism. Wikipedia defines Islamism as

Islamism (Islam+-ism; Arabic: الاسلامية ‎ al-'islāmiyya) also Arabic: إسلام سياسي‎ al-Islām al-Siyāsiyy, lit., "Political Islam") is a set of ideologies holding that Islam is not only a religion but also a political system, and that modern Muslims must return to their roots of their religion, and unite politically. The term Islamism does not necessarily imply militancy.

These critics bring up Islamism. Say  it with me. ISLAAAMIZZZIIMM. It sounds like an evil Muslim chant before the KILL YOU. I digress. But people  think that this cultural center will somehow turn us all Muslims in America. I probably don't have to explain how crazy shit sounds. We all know this is not only improbable; but may be impossible. No matter how much you try to reason with these people, anti-Muslims have a fear that Islamists will try to make The United States of America a one religion nation. It probably goes without thinking that most of these critics are Christian. To these followers of Jesus, I say this to you.


How does it feel  to have the tables turned, you pompous, ignorant, hypocritical assholes?


It seems like Christians are pissed off that they can't get their Christian State off the ground. I listen to people on the Christian Right alot. They say alot of fucked up shit. I showed you in part one, how the Christian Right was founded by a bunch of  segregationists and racist southern preachers. In part 2 I showed you what they want to change in The United States and later the world.

America does have its fair share of issues. For example, the economy. I believe that it may have alot to do with horrible bank regulation, excessive tax breaks for the rich, NAFTA, Ponzi schemes, and much more retarded bullshit. If you were to ask many ministers on the Christian Right, they would consider the economic collapse to be because of sin. They attach homosexuality acceptance or Barack Obama to every bad thing that happens.

So how do we stop all of the pain, suffering, economic downturn, and natural disasters? Jesus! That's right. If you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and listen to all of your respected ministers, and turn the keys of government over to Christ; God will finally show favor on the United States as a whole. After all, this country was founded on Christianity and the Bible. It is time that we bring our great country back to it's prominence.

The previous paragraph was obviously sarcasm. But this is what many Christians believe. In late July, my wife and I were visiting a friends house for a barbecue. The lady of the house told me us that "The problem with our (black) people is that we no longer follow God like we used to." The specific reasons why this  statement is false does not matter at this time. The fact that millions of Americans really think like this is the problem.

So let's try something today. Imagine that magic was real. God has just given pat Robertson all the control. As soon as he snapped his fingers, Barack Obama and all of those anti-Christs will lose power. The "good book" will now be our only book of law. What would this look like? Take your thinking caps off and put your religious right beanies on.



Abortion

"When I, or people like me, are running the country, you'd better flee, because we will find you, we will try you, and we'll execute you. I mean every word of it. I will make it part of my mission to see to it that they are tried and executed."
--Randall Terry, founder of Operation Rescue, speaking of doctors who perform abortions, in an address to the U.S. Taxpayers Alliance, 8/08/95

All life is precious. Abortion is murder! Under the Christian Right, Abortion will be punished by imprisonment or death.
Rape babies will be on rise. It's bad enough when your parents get a divorce. Can you imagine knowing that your mom raped your dad and now he is in jail? More women will also die right in the labor room because you can't have an abortion. No one cares if she has other kids to take care of. She will be in heaven after bleeding to death. Back alley abortions will raise. I cannot imagine mothers drowning their kids in the bathtub will drop either.
This is because you have just made women have babies. Many women already seem like they have no business having children. Now they will be punished for getting rid of a peon with no nervous system. I guess that's another thing. More prisons! Yay! We did not have enough prisons before. Who told those Jezebels that they could control their bodies? Thank God for the Christian Right for sending women back to the middle ages. No more jobs and lives for you ladies. This is what God has made you for. You shouldn't have eaten that piece of fruit and given it to your husband. Now you have to suffer like the good lord intended.

Books

"What we are up against is not dirty words and dirty pictures. It is a philosophy of life which seeks to remove the influence of Christians and Christianity from our society." -Don Wildmon, American Family Association

"Neither the label "fiction" nor the First Amendment gives Universal [Studios] the right to libel, slander and ridicule the most central figure in world history." - Jerry Falwell, commenting on the movie "The Last Temptation of Christ"

Why would you need anything other than the bible or bible related material. Let's do away with alot of these evil satanic pages of deceit.Let's get rid of that Library of Congress. Who needs it. All those books do is poison the minds of would-be good Christians. Socrates was Satan. Descartes was the Devil.

Need poetry? Read the bible. Inspiration? Bible. Adventure? Seek the Word of God. If you need porn, read the Sing of Solomon. For comedy.. Well I guess there will be no more comedy. There is little to none in the bible, depending on how you look at it. Why do you need to laugh anyway. God is no laughing matter.

Now go read your bible and nothing else.



Capital Punishment


Virtually all religious scholars agree that the correctly translated commandment "Thou shalt not murder" is a prohibition against individual cases of murder. There is no biblical prohibition against the government imposition of the death penalty in deserving cases. Indeed, the government imposition of capital punishment is required for deliberate murder. (Dr. Charles Ryrie, Biblical Answers to Contemporary Issues & The Ryrie Study Bible, Exodus 20:13).

Remember the "Abortion" section? You know the part where I said that "All life is precious." and if you just kill a fetus, you should be killed? Well that only applies to unwanted fetuses. The  Christian Right is totally into killing adults convicted of the loosely defined "Capital Murder". It doesn't matter that executing someone doesn't deter criminals from killing people. They also could seem to care less that the people on death row have already been caught. Since the State of Texas seems to be the prototype for the Christian state. If that's the case, be sure to see retarded people being injected with barbiturates. And don't get me started on fallibility. If they turn out to be completely innocent, not a problem. They will get a free ticket to heaven.




Education


"The absence of fossil evidence for intermediary stages between major transitions in organic design, indeed our inability, even in our imagination, to construct functional intermediates in many cases, has been a persistent and nagging problem for gradualistic accounts of evolution."
Stephen Jay Gould (Professor of Geology and Paleontology, Harvard University), "Is a new and general theory of evolution emerging?" Paleobiology, vol. 6(1), January 1980, p. 127

Remember the Flintstones? Prehistoric science will look something like this. Moses rode on a Pterodactyl. There were at least 2 woolly mammoths on Noah's Ark. The T Rex was chilling in the Garden of Eden. And the most famous one..Jesus rode a brontosaurus. The earth is 6,000 years old. The Devil planted all of the missing links to confuse the scientists. This will be taught to our children. Nothing further!


Oh yeah. Your kid will be praying all day everyday in school.


Entertainment



TBN will be like HBO. Anything rated over PG will be banned and destroyed. There would be no reason to have all of that filth. No more Sopranos. House will be immediately cancelled. Even the news will be censored. As far as we will be concerned, no one will get murdered. Murder is violence. No more violence on TV. Enjoy Lawrence Welk and anything related to Tyler Perry. The FCC will have limitless power to curb anything seen as obscene. Kirk Cameron will regulate all mediums. If you forgot, he was Mike in "Growing Pains". The movies that he makes now are awful! His films will beat Avatar and Titanic in box office sales. Start downloading your porn to disc right now. Bury all of your Black Tails in the backyard. Buy out all the lingerie and dildos right now. You will be sent to state prison if you are caught possessing anything that heathens consider "fun". The children have to be protected. The children will have to watch educational programs. See  the "Education" section.


Islam

"I want to say it again, and again, and again: Islam is not a religion, it's a political system meant on -- bent on world domination, not a religion. It masquerades as a religion, but the religion covers a worldwide attempt to exercise power and to subjugate the world into their way of thinking." Pat Robertson

To these guys, Allah is a false God. They think that Muslims are listening to Satan and Muhammad was in no way the messenger of God. I would imagine the Muslims would get some type of ultimatum. I don't think they see Muslims as Satan Worshippers or bad people. They probably just see them as misguided monotheists. Remaining devoted to Allah will probably get you locked up in Guantanamo Bay. Either that or be lost their citizenship. If they convert, they will be allowed to worship walk freely, with some restrictions.

What a great idea! As we have learned from the past and present; Muslims love attempted conversion. Ha! They don't even like subtle conversion. If they even try to suggest forced conversion, it's no fucking telling what they will try. Have we not listened to the bin Laden tapes? Enjoy Sears Tower while you can. If the CR tries to force a conversion, we are going to lose that, the CNN building, The Rockerfeller, The St. Louis Arches, The Renaissance Building in Detroit, and you might as well throw a few mega churches. As soon and a Christian nation decides to bring a knife, the Muslims will bring a gun.

Jews

"Theologically, any Christian has to support Israel…If we fail to protect Israel, we will cease to be important to God. (Grace Halsell, Forcing God's Hand, (Washington, DC: Crossroads International Publishing, 1999), p 100-101. )  

For some reason, the Christian right is really tight with the Jewish people. I am still really trying to figure this one out. I mean didn't the Jews kill Jesus? According to Mel Gibson, they killed him with evil looks on their face, and resembled Hitler propaganda. At least the Muslims give Jesus some props. They put him on the Moses level. Jews seem to put Jesus on the same level as Howard Stern. Also most of the Jewish aggression was created by Christian leaders.



Music


Most religious attacks against music, however, seem to follow their own path. Dan and Steve Peters are among the most fervent religious anti-music crusaders (I have several of their publications), and Jimmy Swaggart has often spoken out against rock music. On June 1, 1986, the infamous television evangelist condemned rock ‘n’ roll as "the new pornography" and "music of the devil"

Rock n Roll was considered an evil music created by homosexual, negro junkies who wanted to rape white Christian girls. Today, rock, pop, and rap musicians and listeners will be punished by listening to 1000 hours of the Clarke Sisters and Country Music. Look up Conway Twitty, because that's all you will be listening to if things go their way.


Other Religions
Fuck em. See "Islam"

Politics

Marshall Wittmann, formerly with the Christian Coalition, now with the Hudson Institute, referring to George W. Bush:
"He is the leader of the Christian right." [italics theirs]
The Washington Post, December 23, 2001

George W. Bush will be elected king. Pat Robertson gets the VP nod. The Ultimate Warrior (who is a conservative talk show host) will be the Secretary of War. All decisions will be moderated through heaven to King Bush's brain.



War

One of the delegates, Nabil Shaath, who was Palestinian foreign minister at the time, said: "President Bush said to all of us: 'I am driven with a mission from God'. God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did."

Can you say "Biblical Armageddon"? These people believe that the world is coming to an end very soon. In that end, people will go to war. Then God will come down and take the Christians up to heaven and the non-believers and others straight to hell. That sounds awesome if you are on the Christian Right. Why not help God out and start it up with on these heathens and end it all right now? You put another Right wing Christian behind that button, he'll probably press it the first day in office.



Okay I am done with these assholes. Believe whatever the hell you want. Keep giving them power. I am moving to the UK if this shit keeps going the way it is. I gave you the quotes. I talked about Bush this Monday. What more proof do you need? These people are crazy and must be stopped. Atheism for all!