Who reminded us that if you flip a few words around in the name SANTA..you get SATAN!
Well isn't that special!
Let us begin.
I continually bring up my decision to become an atheist in different ways. There were so many different emotions that brought up a rejection of faith. One of the major emotions was plain laughter. Sometimes I would listen to my mother or someone I knew try to discuss God and try my best not to laugh. This is because it is all so ridiculous. The more you know about ANY religion, I defy you NOT to laugh. That's what I try to contribute to atheism. I want to inform and entertain through laughter.
I was exposed to religion at an early age. Some people are exposed to God and that's about it. People get the "God made us and loves everyone" and that's about it. Not me. I don't want to make my mother seem like a crazy Jesus Freak. She really wasn't. She just had a son that asked way too many questions at a young age. Turns out, they were the same kind of questions that us skeptics ask in a sarcastic manner today. I would ask questions like "Was God hatched out of an egg?" or "If God was a 'he', does he pee pee like me?" Keep in mind, I was 3 when I started asking her this shit. Needless to say, she could not answer one of these questions to my satisfaction. I guess that's what you get for trying to tell a kid that The Lord was real at the same time you are telling him that Santa Claus was real too. I loved asking shit like, "Mommy. Momma. Ma. Mommy? Does Santa Claus ever visit God at God's house?"
To make my point more clear, I was exposed to every single aspect of Christianity. I did not get the happy preschool version that you guys are more familiar with. Nay! I was told at age 3 that Jesus died for our sins. I knew what death was because I had been to a couple of funerals by then. I was allowed to go to a funeral and look at a dead body because I was told that they were going to heaven. Can you imagine being told at age 4 that Jesus was beaten, spat upon, nailed to a cross, and stabbed while on that cross until he died. This was apparently done for me. That's right. When I was barely out of toddler age, my parents told me that I was born in sin. That meant, no matter what good I did in life, I was born bad. That is pretty much what you get when you are born a Baptist.
I was also told about Hell and Satan. I won't go there if I said sorry to God. If I didn't and stopped praying and going to church, I would surely burn forever and ever. Satan was an angel who thought he was better than God, got kicked out of heaven and became a bitter asshole. I guess he was so bitter because God created a hot, fiery, place, called hell to send all of the people who were bad and did not say sorry to God. If you were sent there, it would be for eternity and this would make Satan happy because he is trying everything he can to get you to suffer the same punishment.
This is where the devil reasoning comes in to play. Crack is "nothin' but the devil". If you are promiscuous you might be "devil in high heels". Anyone not attending church is said to be "letting the devil take over". I don't hear this much in other communities but "The Devil made me do it!" is an expression that I am far too familiar with. In my old church people would give something called "testimony" where you would stand up in front of people and talk about everything bad in your life. After your speech about how shitty your life is, you either a) ask for prayer or b) talk about how you were delivered from the clutches of Satan. This is pretty similar to what a "testimony" sounds like.
Good morning saints. Giving honor to God who is the head of my life. In addition to the Pastor, deacons, mothers of the church, visitors, and friends. I was sick and tired this morning on my way to praise the Lord. As soon as I stepped out of the bed, I could hardly walk. That's when I stretched my arms out to Jesus and told the Devil, 'You are a liar Satan. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus'. Immediately, my leg was healed and I told Satan 'Get thee behind me'. Thank you Jesus and amen.
Come again? I still am amazed how people believe that cancer is Satan related. I am amazed how Christians somehow believe that people in their immoral actions are somehow "influenced by the devil" There are still Catholic priests who are trained in exorcisms. It's bad enough that people believe in God, Jesus, and virgins who can have kids. But when you stop taking responsibility for your own actions for the boogey man, I begin questioning your sanity. Can it get any worse than this?
Not only do people believe in Hell and all this nonsense. There are some people who actually worship the Devil. I really don't understand why. The devil seems like a guy who would fuck everyone over. Apparently Satan told God to "Fuck off", made a moneyless wager with God to see who could fuck over a guy named Job the worst, tormented Jesus in the desert, and is currently gearing up to have a huge battle with Christians in the end of the world. There are several different types of people who practice Satanism. I won't even get into it. There are too many. Yahoo user "Stillstandingstrong" gave a very good break down. Click here to see which Devil works best for you.
Who do I blame?
Judeo -Christians of course. Had they not somehow made a religion so ridiculous, yet so convincing(to idiots), we wouldn't be in all of this mess. If they didn't make up such a nutty God, well we would still be in the same predicament, with a God just as nutty. Not much of a difference there. But those "chosen people" just had to create the devil. I am much more comfortable with Magneto or Dr. Doom. At least they can be defeated. Jehovah never swoops down and saves the day. We are in a world were the villain always wins. Not only do I not believe in God. I don't believe in God to do anything to help if I am in trouble.
Satan 1- God 0
My big issue with satanists is really no issue at all. Most are nearly identical to wiccan or goth kids. They never really fuck with people. Most satanists don't even follow the bible for their doctrine. They just make their own bullshit up. I have more of an issue with people who take no responsibility for their actions and blame Satan for every fucking thing that goes wrong. Christians, Muslims, and Jews are the real Satanists. Science, common sense, medicine, and meteorology have disproved all of the things we used to consider the devils deeds. We should easily be able to move on. First Satan. After that, in about 1000 years, we will be all but done with this God Delusion. Freeze me right now. I can't wait to see the day that we rid ourselves of all supernatural beings, whether it be deemed good or evil.
Hail Satan!
There's nothing like an intellectual brother with vast common sense. you basically summed up everything i would have said. religion is nothing but the blame game..you argued that devil concept brilliantly! peace & love! we need more intellectuals like you. btw that sermon was hilarious...I read it twice.
ReplyDeleteLOL. I grew up in a Pentecostal church and your sample testimony sounded verbatim what I used to hear damn near every Sunday.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are perfectly right - Satan is just everyone's scapegoat. They need someone or something to blame when things don't go their way. Their brains aren't sophisticated enough or brave enough to realize that we live in a cold and capricious world and that bad things happen, just like good things happen. They only want good things to happen to them, and when it doesn't, it just HAS to be someone else's fault. And these people will take their beliefs to absurd levels.
A few months ago, my fiancee (who is a lax Christian) was speaking to her mother on the phone. (My fiancee's parents are Jesus freaks.) My fiancee was complaining that her allergies were bothering her that day. Her mother told her that she would pray that those allergy spirits would stop attacking her. Really. Instead of realizing that allergies are a perfectly natural response to a perfectly natural occurrence (pollen - nature's method of botanical reproduction), her mother just blamed it on evil spirits. When my fiancee told me this I just looked at her dumbfounded. I didn't want to tell her what I was thinking - your mother sounds batsh%t insane!
It really speaks to the maturity level of these people. They believe that life for them should always be peachy keen. And any amount of discomfort they suffer has to be an anomaly, caused by none other than Lucifer himself.