A fast track way to insure that your child is going to be smarter than the Evangelical Christian children.
I believe I have been a fully confirmed Atheist for all but five weeks. I am still learning new things, meeting new people and still trying to keep everything about my rejection of faith a complete secret. Which can be difficult at times. Until you are an atheist, you will never realize how much religion is all around you. The guy I work with always talks about his church. My mother always has to knife something in about "the Lord". Even the new FX show "Louie" (starring Louie C.K.) had an entire show dedicated to his faith or lack thereof. Being discreet has a certain delightful sense of paranoia. I always imagine how people would look at me if they knew I thought they were all idiots for talking to their eyelids before bed.
Furthermore I wonder how people would treat my kids if they actually do become Atheist. It's so frowned upon. Will they understand their perspective or position concerning God? Are they going to be cruel to them? Will people offend them – and in turn- my kids will play defense all the time? What are parents to do?
How will I raise them?
Definitely not like my parents. I love them, but you have to progress. It's not wise to emulate everything your parents did. No one is Dr. Huxtable. Hell (despite his public image), Bill Cosby is nothing like Dr. Huxtable. My mother passionately explained the Crucifixion of Jesus... in DETAIL. She did this long before the Mel Gisbon flick.I mean every nook and cranny. From his buddy Judas selling him out, to the crown of thorns, all the way to him shitting on himself on the cross. She probably didn’t say the shitting part. We were Baptist. They place a huge emphasis on the All Mighty Asskicking. "He did this for you. You were born in sin! Thank Jesus everyday for dying on that cross. Oh hallelujah! Thank ya Jesus!", she would say with so much emotion and conviction. Did I mention that I was four at the time?
I will more than likely devote a post about the death of Jesus at another time. For now, let's just call that whole Crucifixion thing disturbing to say the least. To say the most would be DISTURBING! It's no way you can come out normal if you are made to feel guilty about getting a dude killed. Not just any dude. This guy was the son of the heavenly father. So you got your own brother arrested, tortured, and killed. What an asshole you are.What an asshole I was. I was four and I fucked Jesus over because I was born in sin.
Since I would rather show my kids ''The Faces of Death'' series before ever showing them "The Passion of the Christ" you have to tell them something right?
I was browsing over some websites dedicated to believers and non-believers alike. I did this because I wanted to hear quotes from others to see what they thought about raising children with beliefs or lack thereof. This did not last very long because I was either distracted or unimpressed with all the tips and techniques they were offering. I am also of the belief that all children are different. My daughter is a very intelligent, caring, strongly feminine young lady. My son is... well two years old. He is really into me flipping him upside down. He is interested in reading and books, but not as much as my daughter. Since no two children can be raised exactly alike, how can you raise two (or a few million families) with the same ideas and processes? I appreciate it (insert website here).com, but no thanks. I have to figure this one out with my wife.
However for the sake of citation, I say that I visited http://www.atheistparents.org/ for about 30 minutes. It seems like it may help people on their journey. I don't think I personally need it, but it doesn't hurt. Interesting and thoughtful would be the best words to describe this site and sites like it.
Raising my children (let's call them Brit and Josh) is not that hard. They are very nice children and I have no behavior problems with them.. so far. They are both polite to adults and come off as very shy, but never fearful with people who they consider strangers. Other than arguing over toys and remote controls, they get along. Best friends. I wish I would make this much more interesting but they are absolutely a delight.
I decided very early on to not have them in the church. My daughter was christened, but there wasn't much after that. Initially, my wife wanted Brit to go to Catholic service on Sunday. I knew that my wife barely ever went to church before we had Brit. There was no reason to think that she would all of a sudden become Sister Agnes. I consented but let my wife know that it was no half steppin. If she wanted Brit to be Catholic, she actually had to attend service every Sunday. This didn't last long. Soon after she consented and knew that (with a husband like me) it would be near impossible to raise a good "Catholic" girl. By the time Josh was born, there was no talk of religion of any kind.
I am Santa Claus. At least that is what my kids think. Not the Jolly Old St. Nick white guy that you see on the side of every damn Coke bottle during Christmas. She sees me buying the gifts so there is no need for Santa. She loses a tooth and asks me for money. She doesn't expect to wake up to see a fairy (who looks oddly enough like Rupaul) sliding a few dollars under her pillow. The tradition won't be confused with superstition. They still have a healthy imagination. She loves dress up. Josh loves to pretend like he is WowWow Wubbzy. That is good for them. But imagination never crosses the picket lines of reality.
I am an Atheist because its foundation is based on common sense and reality. I want my kids to live in the real world. I base everything that I teach them on real life applications. All education, truth ,and knowledge is applicable in real life settings. I don't believe in God. Therefore I don't want my kids to believe in God. That will help them to be more critically thinking adults. My daughter has said since the age of three that she would like to be an astronaut. A science background requires a lot of..SCIENCE. Religion can sometimes bind you to God and away from a more scientific approach and lucrative careers. I can only imagine how many men, women, and children there are in the world that could have been amazing academics and scientists had they only put on their thinking caps. I won't let you church people take my child away to the land of the supernatural.
This approach toward parenting is not without controversy. My wife can be indecisive at times. She claims to "not believe in God", but refuses to consider herself an Atheist by definition. She is still devoutly agnostic with her thoughts and opinions about God. There is always room for possibility with her. I believe that she is on the right track. Not everyone gets to this point at the same time. She is still young. One thing is for certain. They WILL NOT be a part of any belief system whatsoever.
Like me, Mrs. DSD has a lot of fears about being discovered. If we have fears, we can only imagine the fears we will have as they get older. Our primary job is protection. We protect them from danger true. That is usually a given. I totally understand these worries that a mother might have. I have the same worries.
But what about ridicule, teasing, bullying, and ostracizing? Should we try our best to protect them from these dangers? How? I am from a predominantly black metropolitan area. Is it different from the way that you raise your kids?
Those are not rhetorical questions. I would like to hear your answers and thoughts regarding the topic as a whole.
I have come up with my best answer. A conversation that I had with Brittany just a few minutes ago pretty much sums it up:
Me: Who is God?
Brit: I don't know. (she has perfect grammar, diction, and annunciation)
Me: Okay then, what is heaven?
Brit: "Who" is Heaven? She is my cousin. She was the little girl over Nana's house.
Me: Okay one more question. ("Okay Daddy") Who is Jesus?
Brit: He was the basketball player in the movie. (referring to Ray Allen's portrayal of Jesus Shuttlesworth in "He Got Game")
As you can see, I let my kids be kids. With all the playing, school starting very soon, and new activities they are busy enough. Why would I add something as confusing as Atheism or religion in the mix. They don't know anything about this shit because they aren't ready to know. Atheism is the rejection of a belief in anything outside of the laws of science and nature. You have to know what religion is to actually be an atheist. In time my kids will be presented with nothing. Let me say that again. I will not tell them anything as long as time and maturity allows.
This is true with anything else in their young lives. They don't know what discrimination is. Just because I know, I won't explain Jim Crow Laws, Slavery, The Civil Rights Movement, Gay Pride, Woman's Liberation and a lot of other fucked up shit that is important, just to show her that my knowledge and insight is so evolved beyond all others. I won't give my opinion on the so called "Ground Zero Mosque", health care reform, Middle East, "don't ask, don't tell" or anything else that deeply concerns me. Brit and Josh are five and two respectively. I am not a prophet. I cannot predict the future and tell you what I will do when they are 13 and 11.
That all depends on the scenario. If they are of reasonable age, I will answer their questions. I will also defend my position in case these crazy Christian family members and Catholic in-laws try to brainwash my child. At that point, the gloves will be off. I will not preach to her or force her to see things through my eyes. Again, I will defend and protect. What "protect" and "defend" might entail is still unclear. I just know myself well enough to call out bullshit when I see it. You'll just have to wait and see. I don't think it will be a pretty sight. If you try to fill my kids heads once with that bullshit, shame on you. Try it twice, fuck you!
For now, we have other concerns. Brit is going to a top rated school. We are in the process of getting Josh ready for the same test in a couple years. It's hard not to think that this is due in some part in us raising our house in a secular fashion. I will enjoy this last weekend of summer and try to forget about all the Christians, Jews, Muslims, Psychics, and UFO idiots, finish my MGD and watch my kids play on this hot and sunny evening.
There is a time and place for all things.
Join me next week
Monday Morning Moron: Benny Hinn
Im 21 but im starting to think more and more about how to properly raise my kids atheist, i mean, its not like they are born christian but, i wan't them to learn how to ask as many questions as they can and expect for good answers.
ReplyDeleteIthink you'll like my blog, i made a whole entry about the Hawking thing
I am interested to know how things go for you. I have never talked to my son(he is 4) about religion but the subject has come up amongst his friends. For example, upon seeing a rainbow the little girl next door asked him if he knew that it was god's sign that he would never flood the world again. I'm not sure if he had ever heard the word god before this.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, the comment held little interest for him and he just ignored it but I am not sure how I will answer when he starts to ask questions.
I very much enjoyed reading this entry, as your questions are ones that I have excruciatingly contemplated many times over the years in raising my daughters. Lucky for you, your wife is not a believer, so you have that common ground; I, however, am married to a Christian so it has made raising children, well, a much larger challenge.
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were younger, I, much Iike you, tried to just let them be kids, with the exception of doing the Christmas thing, the Easter thing, and even the tooth fairy thing. Admittedly, there were a couple of times that I really did try to understand religion and I brought my children to church, but that religious understanding that I sought after, never did take, and so we never went back. My girls at that time were too young to remember it.
With my kids nearing teenage years now, things have gotten more complicated due to the split belief in our home. They know that I am an atheist, and that their father is a Christian, and they know what both of those labels entail. We have talked about everything from the bible, to science and evolution, to the absurdity of creation (thank goodness my husband is not a fundamentalist who disputes evolution), but unfortunately these talks take place usually when my husband is not around because he tends to make it clear that he disagrees with what I am saying. Kids are not ignorant of such things, and what has resulted because of this is that my girls feel pressured to choose a side. I have told them vehemently that before they decide what they are to believe, they need to study religion. Of course, I would love for them to be freethinkers without the fear of hell, but I try very hard not to proselytize because they are already feeling the tension and I do not want to add to that. My fear is that a believer will get to them while I have sat all this time with my hands tied behind my back.
The more I write, the more I begin to feel panicked about my kids’ upbringing. I am so envious of atheist/disbelieving families, such as yours, who are in harmony over their religious views. I am envious because, for your children, the two most important people in their lives will be there to help protect them from being programmed by the irrational. My children are growing up in a home where one of their parent’s believes in fairytales.
Nigma - Your post about Hawking.
ReplyDeleteRandi - It's religion and it's truth. How a rainbow works is much more interesting and complex than the bullshit that the silly kid told her.
Nigma- What I meant to say was that your posy about Hawking was poetic and inspiring. I amnot overstating that either. Short and to the point but insightful always has a certain level of poetry.
ReplyDeleteBetsey - I do not envy your expierience. The time is now. Act quick. Teach them as much as you can about science, history, and grammar. That way they will know that scientifically religion is bullshit. Historically they will see how religion is man made. Finally, the better they are able to grasp the engligh language, the better they will be able to defend their arguments.
ReplyDeleteI feel that we have all been "told" that there is a "Heaven" and a "Hell"...if that is so, why would God make this planet we live on so destructive. If we are "his" people and "he" created us, why would "he"let "his" people be raped and beaten and killed?
ReplyDelete