Where Are All The Atheists?

This post is brought to you today by Karate Jesus. This is an actual statue that you can buy. What better sensei to have than Jesus Christ. He has a mean roundhouse kick to the head. Let Jesus be your buttkicking saviour. Hiya and Amen!

Today we will find out where all the Atheists are. Are they in Hell? Can we find them? Could he be next door? Show your face! If not, just create a cartoon avatar and hide yourself from ridicule from your family like me. Let us begin.

Sorry to all that this entry is a little late. Sometimes children can drive you insane!

Where are all the Atheists?

This is clearly not a literal question. It was one of the first questions I asked myself 3 weeks ago when I determined Atheism was the truth. I did not know one Atheist. My parents are Christian. The majority of my siblings claim Christianity. My sister even worships mother earth. She even has an altar for all of her favorite dead relatives. She lights incense and prays to them. Let me paint that picture. My Sister lights up incense on a table filled with wallet sized photos and little trinkets of our grandparents, aunts and uncles. Frankly, that's just bizarre and spooky. If you called her a voodoo queen, I would not totally disagree with that characterization. I digress.

So where are they?

The easiest place  to find fellow Atheists is obviously the internet. I am a frequent internet user since the age of 14. No matter what you want to get into, the internet has it. If you like pygmies popping out of birthday cakes covered in pixie dust, sit down, get on Google.com (or Bing.com) and start searching. I'm sure if you have the money, someone has that service. Even if you think you need some one on one time, keep searching. My wife and I have plans on attending a Free-thinking meeting with all types of people in the world of Atheism, Agnosticism, Skepticism, and Rationale Thinking. Thanks Google!

So who cares if you are the only one in your community who is an Atheist? Sure you're a weirdo. Of course you're an outcast. Everything has a first. You may be the first one in your family to travel outside the country. Just because your family has not left West Philly in 50 years and shun you for doing so, screw them. Leave! In that analogy, Atheism is like  a lifetime vacation to Italy, Paris, and Egypt all rolled into one.

Where do you get off telling them they are wrong?

I have to admit, it's a pretty tall order to tell someone that everything they believe in is total nonsense. Depending on your approach, it can come off rude, accusatory, and even disrespectful. Can you tell that I just love commas?

I told my wife that I was probably never going to tell certain people that I was an Atheist. One exception was a friend and his wife. Possibly. Let's call them the Perrys. My significant other, Mrs. DSD, advised me against making the Perrys aware of my new found position. I reminded her that they just recently left their church and were highly intelligent people. Both have college degrees, high paying jobs, and good critical thinking skills. I theorized that they may have left their church because of their lack of faith in God. There remained a healthy level of doubt so I consented to the will of my wife. I left it alone, but still imagined that the Perrys were more enlightened than my wife gave them credit. I saw them as a couple that would say, "We have been thinking the same thing for weeks. Thank you for having that courage." Ah dreams!

Boy was I wrong! The barbecue started with meeting the Perry in-laws. The father-in-law and I enjoyed several shots of high priced tequila. After our blood-alcohol levels were well above the legal limit, it became God, God, God. This guy was in love with God. All God, all the time. He didn't know where he would be with out God. Jesus saved his soul. Then came Jesus. Yes Jesus. I can relate. Like Jesus, my son is always sneaking into stuff. He was so grateful that Jesus died for his sins. He even said that he couldn't talk to a Muslim because they don't believe in "his Jesus". Imagine how he would treat an Atheist! To put that conversation in perspective, this came out of NOWHERE. No one was talking about faith or religion AT ALL. After I told him, "Don’t give up on the nonbeliever. Maybe you can save their souls" I felt sick to my stomach to sell out and take the high road. But keep in mind. I was a visitor and he was the father of the host.

So that was done? No more talk of religion. Right? 

Wrong again! 

At the close of the night, all the kids were asleep and it was now time for a little music. We all got on the nice desktop PC, pulled up iTunes, and began cranking out the jams (did I just say that?). It was friendly competition. The Perrys would play 2 songs, then the Disbelievers. (I use Disbelievers as a surname for the sake of anonymity) Once hip-hop came on, I played one of the most controversial songs in the history of rap music. I could see my spouse cringe at the choice. The song (somewhat underground) was "Nature of the Threat" by Ras Kass from his Soul on Ice album. This track is controversial not only because of its indictment of white supremacy, but because of many historical inaccuracies. Say what you will about the song, it does bring about emotion. What is most controversial is the rage and emotion sparked in the direction of Christianity. Once the lyric 

December 25th, the birth of Saturn
A homosexual god, now check the historical pattern
December 25, now thought the birth of Christ
Was Saturnalia, when men got drunk,
Fucked each other then beat their wife*

*I recognize the gross inaccuracies and misinterpretations. I didn't write the song, so chill.

played,  I realized the mistake I made. I was so mistaken about their open-mindedness and sympathy toward Atheism . She was ready to give me a piece of her mind about that song, God, lack of faith in the black community, and so on. 

Would I just let it go? Could I just keep my big mouth shut? What do you think?

Once she exclaimed that the problem with African Americans was their lack of faith in Christ, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I responded by telling her that belief in an imaginary creator and wondering what he or she wanted us to do was probably our biggest problem. I started with the Atlantic Slave Trade and ended with the present. I gave facts and figures, empirical data, science, logic, and any other thing I could pull out of my bag of tricks – to no avail. I was wrong. No matter how many times I answered their impossible, improbable, and nonsensical questions like "Who or what created the Big Bang" I still lost the mini debate. Like a man once told me, "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still". I believe they willed their faith in God to be true. Nothing trivial like.. let's say FACTS  can come in the way of that.

Thankfully, the night ended with calling a truce. We all hugged it out. No bad blood. They remain our close friends. The reason that I made this exception was because of their easygoing nature. I just would rather not "go there" with them again. Most people I know are not like that.

So what did we learn today? If you said nothing, I am more inclined to believe you. Some of you may have experienced a similar situation when voicing your rejection of faith. I would compare it to a white lady saying that she wanted to marry a "negro" in 1910. Not exactly a warm welcome by your friends and family. Should you tell them or hide the fact that your kids look like Derek Jeter and Mariah Carey?

I can't tell anyone what to do. This process is draining and non fulfilling in so many ways. It's like telling the townsfolk that you have gold. Only this time, they don't want the gold. They want to tell you that you are evil for even liking this gold. They want to pray the gold out. They will rebuke this gold in the name of Jesus. Muslims may even start a Holy Jihad on you and this shiny new metal that you want to tell everyone you have. That's why I would rather tuck my chain in my shirt for now. Hide the gold in the safe place for now. At least in the public eye. Hence The Dark Skin Disbeliever.

Finally I will not waiver. I don't care if I get 10 followers after 50 years. It's still a victory. Baby steps are still steps. I believe that in the future, most people will choose Atheism. If that's true, all the adoration to the theists, preachers, religious leaders, and martyrs will be no more. Science and mathematics will be the closest thing to a God that will be allowed in the future. We will be remembered for not accepting the beliefs of those who came before us. Well maybe not me, but my gravestone with the words "Atheist" at the top will surely make the local paper.

Tomorrow: Why Choose Atheism? A Hopefully Convincing Argument.