Monday Morning Moron: The Tyler Perry Method

 Today's post is brought to you today by Artie Lange in "That's My White Mama"

He was the original Madea.

I'll break my foot off in yo ass!


 Let us begin.




When I was a kid, I used to love scary movies. I don't know why because now I hate them. Most of them are just gore fests. But back in the day, people used to try to scare the shit out of you. Now I don't think they are very scary at all. The scariest shows/movies were the brainwashing episodes. I loved when an entire town was hypnotized by some supernatural creature. Dracula used to do it with his female victims. I read "The Pied Piper" to my daughter recently and I could still remember the chills that story gave me in the second grade. I used to think that a mad scientist could turn my entire hood into some brainwashed imbeciles with some blank look on their face like people in The Twilight Zone. I would always look for some signs of weirdness with people to make sure they had not become some freak zombies. This type of thinking actually gave me nightmares. Obviously I was a child who had a very vivid imagination.

Little did I know, twenty years later, my preschool nightmares had not only come true, but people had already been brainwashed. Now I realize that this brainwashing has been going on for several thousand years. I do not have nightmares or paranoid feelings like I did at age four. However, there is a feeling of nostalgia when I see masses walking into a building to sing in unison,  close their eyes and talk to themselves, and listen to a man on a stage give people specific instructions on what to do and when to do it.


Obviously I am talking about religion. More specifically, black churches. I know there are pentecostal churches that are Caucasian. But I defy you to step foot into a black COGIC church and not be jarred by what you see. The way people run around a building, hysterical, praising God until they have to be fanned down is startling to a person who has never seen such a thing. I am an atheist, so I obviously do not believe in God. Therefore, I have no other choice but to call it as I see it. Temporary Insanity.



Growing up in a religious household, I was told that this was not only normal and accepted, but a gift from the Holy Spirit. I could go on and on about how being black and a Christian (or Muslim for that matter) is following the religion of those who have oppressed black people. That's for another time. I would like to talk about how this irrational belief transcends outside of private dwellings and places of worship, right into my everyday average life. Ministers and friends told me to avoid "worldly things". That means that anything secular was considered amoral. Instead of amorality, secular living, and humanism I supposed to embrace religion, spirituality, and Jesus in everything I do. Even my entertainment was supposed to be religious oriented. I call this the Tyler Perry Method


The Tyler Perry Method. has little to do with Tyler per se. It wasn't even started by him. However, it was perfected by him. The Tyler Perry effect is when an African American is very mediocre in their supposed talent, but will add a certain amount of religion to their mediocrity and become accepted, praised and endorsed by the black community. Here are a few examples:


Radio

On Sunday Morning, if I absolutely have to listen to the Radio, I have to choose Radio One. Not because I particularly care for one station or another. In fact I hate radio. The Clear Channel shows love to play Gospel, Spiritual, and Gospel Rap until the afternoon. This includes Yolonda Adams telling me that my "battle is The Lords", followed by some Donnie McClurkin, and a little bit of Gospel Rap where some stereotypical rap group explains to me how cool their lord and savior and how keeping it real means going to church and praying.

One of the most egregious offenders of Gospel Music is Kirk Franklin. I have heard his attempt at singing. It is horrible. Not only can Kirk not sing, Kirk does not sing. You will usually finding him chiming in like P. Diddy "directing" his choir as the most untalented member of the grouping. His fame is a testament to the mediocrity that this post is all about.

Another religious radio rat is talk show host Steve Harvey. I used to enjoy this man's comedy special. He was one of the biggest stand up comedians of the 1990s. As a member of The Original Kings of Comedy, Steve put black comedy on the spotlight. This has led to him getting his own radio show. Once again, a man's greatness has become mediocre. His "comedy" morning show is painfully unfunny. This lack of talent has once again led to another entertainer turning to God. Everyday you turn on to the Steve Harvey Morning Show, you will hear Mr. Harvey and his crew giving out life advice with a religious slant, Click here for an example of Steve's so called inspirational words of wisdom. I guarantee this will make you less smarter immediately after watching this bullshit.


Music


Rappers have the most hardcore, rough, and rugged lyrics that have ever been set to music. These lyrics often contain lines about murder, robbery, pimping, prostitution, general mistreatment of women, and even rape. This has never stopped the large majority of them praising God, The Lord Jesus Christ, Allah, etc. Some might see this as hypocritical. Considering the history of all of the major religions and how they are filled with the above mentioned crimes, I find it very appropriate to see these recording artists give praises to the the Gods of violence. I think people should stop complaining about rappers saying "I would like to thank - first and foremost- my lord and savior Jesus Christ for this award". I have to admit. The irony is right there. They are walking contradictions anyway. Leave them be. Praise Jesus!

Transgression of the Method

There are rappers who have been critical of racism. One by the name of Jay-Z comes to mind. He is mostly known for rapping about cars, fast money, and even faster women. I recognize how he throws small and subtle jabs at religion.

In his first ever #1 single featuring Alicia Keys, Jay calls out people of strong faith and belief in a higher power.

Jesus can't save you/ life starts when the church ends.

Pretty bold. But not as bold as other lyrics that I love for obvious reasons. In a non-single Where I'm From (Marcy) from the album In My Lifetime...Volume 1, not only does Jay-Z claim love for the borough of Brooklyn, he gives a vivid description of the projects that cultivated him (for lack of a better word). Again he talks about the mind state of a downtrodden people.

I'm from the place, where the church is the flakiest/ And niggas been praying to God so long that they're atheists

Remembering that no good deed goes unpunished, several internet savvy ministers have went on the offensive to attack Jay-Z. They claim that he is a Mason. I can believe that. However, they claim that he is a Devil Worshiper who is a member of the infamous Illuminati. I will not dignify these bullshit rumors by even posting one of their links to my page. I just believe that it is safe to say that these black Christians are more concerned with lyrics (like those in italics) and how they are interpreted by his listeners. If you are a fan of hip-hop and like Jay-Z, you almost most certainly will try to contemplate those lyrics. The church definitely does not want that. It's all so true, yet all so dangerous to their power, money, and influence in the black community.

Movies

Now we come to the silver screen. We all love movies don't we? There are so many different types of movies. If you wanna think, you can go check out Nature or Frontline for documentaries. I suggest anything by Ken Burns and Michael Moore. Feel like laughing? Check out Coming to America, Friday, The 40 Year Old Virgin, and Monty Python to name a few. My kids love all that Disney/Pixar/ Dreamworks stuff. I try to take them to the movies to see them as often as time and money allows.

There are some people who hate the movies that are in theaters nowadays. They complain that the subject matter is full of violence, sex, drugs, and smut. They can never enjoy a film like The Hangover. To them, there is too much violence in a Martin Scorcese flick. There is not much for them to watch on the silver screen. They see everything as full of sin. I call these people Christians. They are right in one aspect. They really don't have movies that cater to them. If only there was someone who could write, direct, and star in movies that can  cater to their delicate sensibilities.  If only there was a man like that. Thankfully there is a man who can create films that my grandmother would enjoy. This man is Tyler Perry.


I first became aware of Tyler Perry while in high school. He had these plays that would tour all over the United States. These plays would usually be about relationships and feature some F-list actor or singer on his/her last leg in the entertainment business. The dialogue is painfully unfunny but that doesn't stop the crowds from going wild over these "jokes". The most intriguing part is the role of Madea where Tyler Perry dons a fat suit, gray wig, along with a huge flower dress. Madea is wise cracking, fat, and prone to fits of criminal behavior with her pistol. I know what you are thinking if you are unfamiliar with Mr. Perry's movies. Haven't Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, Flip Wilson, and Bugs Bunny done the cross dressing thing? Not in the same way. His films are filled with Christian themes and rarely (if ever) contain any profanity. There are also the worst pieces of bullshit that you can stand to see. This is perfect if you are a religious person, but

These movies have made Tyler Perry a rich man.

 In 2009, Perry was ranked by Forbes magazine as the sixth highest-paid man in Hollywood.^[2] As of July 2009^[update], Perry's films had grossed nearly $400 million worldwide.^[3]

In 2005 Forbes reported that he had sold "more than $100 million in tickets, $30 million in videos of his shows and an estimated $20 million in merchandise" and that "the 300 live shows he produces each year are attended by an average of 35,000 people a week."^[8]

Perry produces a television show entitled Tyler Perry's House of Payne, which follows an African-American household of three generations. The show demonstrates the family members' struggles with faith and love, as well as living with different generations. The show ran in the spring of 2006 as a 10-show pilot. After the successful pilot run, Perry signed a $200 million, 100-episode deal with TBS.

What have we learned here today? That Tyler Perry sucks? Well maybe. That was not the purpose of this article. I could really care less about him as a person. As a matter of fact, he seems like a pretty nice guy. I have no beef with him. What we have learned today is there are some people that would like to be in the entertainment business. White America has already accepted Will Smith and Denzel Washington into the Hollywood elite. There is not much room for aspiring artists. If you are one of these people or know someone who is, take a little time to be honest with yourself. It might be your talent. You may suck at acting, singing, stand up comedy, or dancing. You shouldn't let a lack of talent stop you. All you have to do is knife a little religion into it and you will be okay. I have shown that Steve Harvey has a nationally syndicated show where he spreads his religious rhetoric to the masses. Kirk Franklin makes some of the worst music I have ever heard in my life. He still gets more radio play than Marvin Gaye. If you don't praise Jesus every time you receive an award, you are considered a heathen. So the lesson is; if you don't have talent, use religion. It might make you a millionaire.



As I said earlier, The Tyler Perry Method wasn't even created by Tyler Perry. It's not just a black thing either. Other people have used it to their advantage. Kirk Cameron makes pretty good scratch with his biblical bullshit. Using God in your profession has even gotten George W. Bush and the Christian Right elected into congress and The White House.


If you need that promotion, you might want to wear that I Heart Jesus bumper sticker. You'll be in the front office in no time.